WHERE FROM HERE SEPTEMBER 15TH 2005

What have I learned and what is this journey in my life all about. Its hard to explain. In fact, I am not sure I could ever explain it so that a person who has not been diagnosed with a life threating disease could understand it. Nothing against you well people, but I guess its just human nature. The closest way I could try to explain it is 9/11. Remember that day, how could you forget. In reality you don't remember it the way the families of the thousands killed that day do. Before long people went back to living their lives taking everything for granted again. If everybody could learn from terrorist attacks, hurricanes, and sickness what people directly effected by these learn, I do believe the world would be a better place. That will never happen. Why worry about what you don't have to, its easier to play the lottery of life. Its easier to say that will never happen to me. The result, we will continue to have people that don't enjoy the important things in life. People who feel it is alright to be on top at everyone else's expense. People who destroy families because they cant find happiness within themselves. People who will never learn that you can't buy happiness.

I'm in no way perfect, but cancer has changed me. Am I different than I was before? How could I not be. What has cancer changed? It took away the anger from my divorce. I don't have time to worry about something I can't control. I learned that friends that betray you were never your friends anyway. Learned that it is alright to cry and it is alright to be afraid. That's it is okay to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have to make a lot of money to be happy. I now know who my true FRIENDS are. I learned that chewing tobacco though satisfying, was not a good choice in my life. I was glad to learn that chewing did not cause my cancer, that would have been hard to live with. I know now that nothing is more important than my family. I know there are people out there that care.. I know that I have to take the time to do things I enjoy. That I will always be there for Mallory and Avery no matter what happens or what people say. I learned that it would be very hard to find a girlfriend as wonderful as Amy. I also learned that there is an end. You have to live one day at a time.

Just because I have learned these things and beat cancer it does not mean it is easy to get back into the swing of things. Fighting cancer is mentally and physically exhausting. You don't always feel the same as before or have the same energy. My taste is gone. There will always be thoughts in the back of your mind, " will the cancer come back". I remember shortly before being diagnosed I pulled into my driveway after a day working. On the radio was a fundraiser for a cancer hospital. It had people on the radio telling about their kids that were fighting cancer. There were adults talking about their cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. They all said, I never thought it would happen to me. Did I take the time to help them out? No, I shut of my truck and continued living life. I never thought it would happen to me.