Above and Beyond

JUNE 18 2006 BLOG ENDS HERE

2006-06-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well time has come to make a decision to end my blog. The purpose was never to create a life long diary but to inform my friends of family of my progress through one of the most challenging times in my life. The cancer is gone and the plan is for it to stay that way. I hope this blog remains closed. Thanks so much for your support and prayers. THE END

WHAT A RIDE APRIL 27 2006

2006-04-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

LIVE LIFE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. SOMETHING WE ALL SAY, SOMETHING WE ALL HEAR, SOMETHING WE NEVER DO.

TEST RESULTS IN KINDA APRIL 26 2006

2006-04-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Finally heard back from my nerve conduction test. Nothing acute, more less inconclusive, but something is going on. We need to get you back in to see the neurologist. Thats what I got. So they called back later and gave my an appt for July. From what I get from others who have had similar things going on and from researching they will probably test me for every muscle and nerve disease and other possibilties and then narrow it down one by one until all that is left is damage from radiation. Damage to spinal cord during radiation is a possible risk although usually rare. Symptoms are Lhermittes Syndrome 4-6 month after radiation and then other motor skill loss in hands, feet, legs, arms after 6 months. Sounds familar. Its fancy name is transient radiation myelopathy. Can be minor in some cases to severe in progressive types. We can just sit back hope it gets better before I go back and not worse, and see if Im right. It has actually improved a little today.

Still No News April 20 2006

2006-04-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

Been calling trying to get results from my nerve conduction test. Nobody seems to know whats going on. They said they would be back in a day or two its been 9 days. In the meantime my left ring finger and pinky remain numb feeling almost like it is asleep. At times I am unable to bend my pinky finger. My right hand has improved but still not normal. I assume they are ruling things out. Hopefully its just a temporary nerve problem.

MRI NEGATIVE APRIL 10 2006

2006-04-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

MRI came back negative everything looked good. So why is my hand numb? Who knows. I have to go in Wednesday for nerve conduction testing. Whatever that is. They now say it must be damage from chemo or radiation. The V medication in the chemo ABVD is known to cause nerve damage in some.

UPDATE APRIL 3RD 2006

2006-04-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Went to doctor today to get scan results. The scans came back clean. I was scheduled for another set of scans in four months. While there I mentioned the electrical shock feeling that I had been having in my lower back when I lower my chin. The Doctor said, "Thats Lhermittes Syndrome. A few people going through radiation get that. He said it was harmless and that you just live with it. I then told him that my pinky fingers on both hands have been feeling numb. Now Im scheduled for MRI Thursday. Basically I was told they are making sure I dont have MS. The neck thing by itself is ok but along with numbness elsewhere is a red flag. Not to concerned just being cautious is what I get out of it.

SCANS MARCH 27th, 2006

2006-03-27T14:17:00.000-08:00

Had my second four month scan today. I will get the results next Monday. The CT Scan went okay the same old barium drink and the iodine in the IV. It made me a little sickly feeling but to be honest I just get sick walking into the cancer center. Its just the thought of Chemo that turns my stomach. Im still not sure how I did it. I got stuck today for an IV and it hurt like hell. I use to do that every week. I guess you just do it, and there was no other choice anyway. Pray for good scans. I will let you know the results Monday..

UPDATE FEBRUARY 23RD, 2006

2006-02-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

All is well and I had a very relaxing cruise. It was good to get away. I think it is important to go do the things you want to do. Im finally back in the routine of everyday life. Takes a while to gather yourself after a vacation.

March 27th I have my next CT scan. I will have scan to neck abdomen and pelvic area. I feel like everything is going good. Have not had any side effects or symptoms of any problems. Actually I dont think much about it anymore. Pray for good scans. Thanks....

UPDATE JANUARY 23RD 2006

2006-01-23T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I was just looking at my blog. Its been some time since I sat down and took a look at the last year. Wow what a year it was. Here in about two weeks or 12 days Im going to give myself a well deserved vacation. Myself and Amy, Todd and Tami, my friend Tim and his wife Michelle are sailing away on a 7 day cruise to the Western Caribbean. Sun, Cold Beer, Blue water, and white sand....One of the many things I learned is that you have to take advantage of the time you have. Enjoy life.. You still have the chance to be what you always wanted to be and to do all you ever wanted to do....I think I will be a beach bum for a week.

JANUARY 9TH 2006 UPDATE

2006-01-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

Have not posted much lately and thought I would just give a little post treatment update for those still following along.

I guess that sometimes survivng cancer can be just as big as adjustment as being diagnosed. There are a lot of people that struggle even after the battle has been won. Im lucky that everything has gone pretty well.

I can say sometimes life was much easier when I was fighting cancer. I know thats sounds weird but its true. All you think about is beating cancer and all the people around you. You dont think about work, bills, all those little things in life. Its all about living. You know I talked a lot about how people who never experienced being diagnosed with a life threatning disease could not understand how much we all take life for granted. Im not sure that a person that has been diagnosed still fully understands it.

I guess what Im saying is certain events just cant make it happen. Its still up to you to make the choices. Easier said than done. I have struggled with a lot of things in the past few years. Divorce, not seeing my girls as much, ex-wife, ex-wives boyfriend, financial stability, cancer.

Sure I have no control over a lot of what has happened but I do have control of how I handle these things that have happened. I guess I expected I would come out of this fight and everything else would fall into place but it didnt. The struggles in life are still there. My divorce has been a cancer in my life I fight it everyday. It amazing how I can let the actions of two people affect my life more than a disease in my own body. Thats the point we should'nt.
We must forgive people for there wrongs, not for them, but for ourselves. Its time to leave that behind and celebrate whats ahead.

In the end you can have everything in the world thrown at you, and can spend the rest of your life unhappy blaming the people that throw this stuff, or you can beat it and go on.

I guess cancer has taught me something. It just took a while for it to sink in.

FELLOW HODGKINS FIGHTER LOSES BATTLE JANUARY 2ND 2006

2006-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Today I learned that Rickie-Lee a 20 Yoa fellow Hodgkins fighter lost her battle with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Although I never met her I did communicate through email several times on a Lymphoma website where people with Lymphoma share info ref to the disease.

Just 10 days ago she had posted info on site and seemed to be doing ok. The cancer had spread to her lungs.

Prayers to all her family. Below is her website...

http://angelrickielee.blogdns.com/

MERRY CHRISTMAS DECEMBER 21ST 2005

2005-12-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!! Thanks for all your support in the last year. It been a rough couple of years and I am looking forward to great New Year.....

One thing new for the upcoming year will be a new small business I am starting. I will be mowing residential lawns. Looking at about 10 yards a week. If you know of anybody in the Wichita area let me know.

THE GOOD CANCER DECEMBER 12TH 2005

2005-12-12T18:44:00.000-08:00

The following is something written by a fellow Hodgkins fighter. There is in fact no good cancer. And the fight to survive with hodgkins is no different than the fight against other cancers. The chemo is very strong and the pain is real. It often offends people with Hodgkins to be told you have the good cancer. Just some food for thought.

The Good Cancer You have the good cancer Or so I am told Bring on the chemo You have me, I’m sold But why all the nausea And damn my bones ache I think I am having The worst hangover to date I gained blurry vision But have lost all my taste Whatever I put in my mouthTastes exactly like paste I can’t smell the soap Or out comes what I had last Didn’t really want you to know What I had for breakfast Evacuations are unlikely Without the aid of a pill Don’t even bother trying Your body will thank you, it will And what’s that in my neck A blood clot you say Well bring on more shots And a fun hospital stay Numbness, pins and needles At the tips of my fingers I use a knife a lot So I hope it don’t linger While most people have A port in their chest Mine failed me twice Stubbornness at its best Now I have this thing That they call a PICC line It sticks out my arm And hurts all the time Infections come easy And it hardly seems fair That I’m forced to take showers With my arm in the air To prevent feeling too bad Steroids are common But how many more times Will I see 3 in the morning Sleep has become As distant a memoryAs the hair I once had It used to be so lovely The drugs are real toxic Long term side affects are real Other cancers can happen Health concerns are a big deal Don’t forget all the crying You’ll do late at night When sleep won’t come easy You want to give up the fight You have the good cancer Are you out of your mind Maybe you want some Because it’s the good kind Tianna

CANCER FREE DECEMBER 5TH 2005

2005-12-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

I just returned from my doctor and he said the scans are clean and everything looks great. He said I probably will not ever have to worry about it again. They will do 2 more 4 month checks then go to every 6 months for five years. THE END

TODAY WAS SCAN DAY NOVEMBER 28TH 2005

2005-11-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

Had CT scan this morning. They did scans on my neck, abdomen, and pelvis area. I forgot how much all that stuff sucked and wonder how the hell I made it through what I did. I only had to get stuck once today and before I was getting stuck several times a week. However I did make it through another CT scan without throwing up. I was able to hold it back while the nurse talked to me to get my mind off letting it go.

I will get the results of the scans next Monday. Will let you know what happens.

UPDATE NOVEMBER 8TH 2005

2005-11-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I have posted. To be honest its been nice to get away from the whole cancer thing for a while. Work has been busy. I worked about 80 hours last week. The poachers are out in full force. I think being busy has been good to get myself back into the swing of things.

I have felt really good the last several weeks. The past few days I have been experiencing some neck pain. Not sure what is causing the pain. Other than that all is good. My oldest daughter Mallory will be 7 on Thursday. Its hard to believe. Avery will soon be four.

Not sure if anybody is still following along but just wanted to give an update. My next scans will be Nov 28th.

NATURAL RESOURCE OFFICER BARKER & K9 MOOSE

2005-10-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

PARTY

2005-10-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

BARKERFEST
2005

COME HELP ME CELEBRATE

SURVIVING DIVORCE
MY NEW HOME
CONQUERING CANCER

WHEN: SATURDAY OCTOBER 22nd.
6 PM til WHENEVER

WHERE: 1334 N. AKSARBEN CT
(Near 135th W & 13th N)

RSVP 210-3644

**Bring a chair, meat of your choice, and a side dish for all.**

We will provide the cook, grill, plates, silverware, and condiments.

KEG PROVIDED
Additional Alcohol Welcome As Backup

3 MORE TO GO OCTOBER 14TH 2005

2005-10-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Only 3 more radiation treatments to go. I will be done on next Wednesday. After that I will see my cancer doctor on November 28th for another CT scan to make sure cancer is still gone.

Have tolerated treatments to my abdomen well. No major problems. Still working on getting lawn business up and going. Have two lawns for next spring already. Need 8 more.....

Have a good weekend.

GO CATS..............

STILL BAKING OCTOBER 4TH, 2005

2005-10-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

Radiation continues. I have 11 more treatments. It has been pretty uneventful so far. Slowly getting more taste back from the last round of radiation. I no longer have to shave the lower part of my face, no hair there anymore. The only side effect from the radiation to my abdomen is a little upset stomach here and there. I kinda have been slowly letting all this cancer stuff leave me. Its time to get on with things ahead and chalk up another victory in this somewhat interesting last two years I have encountered.

I have been busy setting up a new part time business that I plan on starting early next spring. I will soon be mowing lawns in my free time. I will be doing mainly residential lawns. I will be insured and have new equipment. So if anybody needs or knows anyone who needs mowing done starting spring of 2006 let me know. I plan on doing about 10 yards a week. I will put my new business logo and info on here as soon as it gets finished.

Also BARKERFEST is October 22nd at my house starting at 6pm. Cold beer, good food, and a great time. I have emailed and sent out invites if you didnt get one just email me at jasonbarker4@hotmail.com and I will get you the info. Im not sure who all looks at this thing so everybody is invited. Plus I have chemo brain so I probably forgot someone.

STARTED 2ND ROUND OF RADIATION SEPTEMBER 27TH 2005

2005-09-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Radiation has begun again. I recieved my first of 17 treatments today. The area I am having treated is about the size of an index card. It is centered vertically over my belly button. This treatment is much more relaxing than the last round. No Mask. However, I did have to drop the pants to get xrays taken and get final marking done yesterday. At this point I dont really care. I get to keep them on for the actual treatments. Felt a little sick to my stomach after the treatment but nothing too bad. Hopefully it will all go good and I will soon be done with this all.

Spent the weekend in Sioux City, Iowa. I was the best man in Brett Beach's wedding. It was a good get away for Amy and I. I have been friends with Brett since grade school. Congrats to Brett and his wife Jen....

I have planned my party. It is on Oct 22nd at my house.... I will put a invitiation on here soon. So come all...

BACK TO RADIATION SEPTEMBER 20TH 2005

2005-09-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was off to the radiation doctor early this morning after a two week break. We went over any problems I was still having from the first round of radiation to my neck. Everything appeared to be okay. She said she was pleased that my mouth was producing saliva normally and she said my taste will eventually make a full recovery. It better. She said that the treatment to my abdomen should be less eventful. May have some nausea about two weeks in. She said my skin should not be affected in this area like it was on my neck.

After meeting with the doctor they measured and marked me. I had to get three permanent tattoos this time. They are beautiful. One is about 3 inches above my belly button and the other two are at that same level on each side. NO MASK this time I get a pillow instead. That was a relief. I will go in next Monday for a simulation and then I will start radiation treatments Tuesday.

WHERE FROM HERE SEPTEMBER 15TH 2005

2005-09-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

What have I learned and what is this journey in my life all about. Its hard to explain. In fact, I am not sure I could ever explain it so that a person who has not been diagnosed with a life threating disease could understand it. Nothing against you well people, but I guess its just human nature. The closest way I could try to explain it is 9/11. Remember that day, how could you forget. In reality you don't remember it the way the families of the thousands killed that day do. Before long people went back to living their lives taking everything for granted again. If everybody could learn from terrorist attacks, hurricanes, and sickness what people directly effected by these learn, I do believe the world would be a better place. That will never happen. Why worry about what you don't have to, its easier to play the lottery of life. Its easier to say that will never happen to me. The result, we will continue to have people that don't enjoy the important things in life. People who feel it is alright to be on top at everyone else's expense. People who destroy families because they cant find happiness within themselves. People who will never learn that you can't buy happiness.

I'm in no way perfect, but cancer has changed me. Am I different than I was before? How could I not be. What has cancer changed? It took away the anger from my divorce. I don't have time to worry about something I can't control. I learned that friends that betray you were never your friends anyway. Learned that it is alright to cry and it is alright to be afraid. That's it is okay to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have to make a lot of money to be happy. I now know who my true FRIENDS are. I learned that chewing tobacco though satisfying, was not a good choice in my life. I was glad to learn that chewing did not cause my cancer, that would have been hard to live with. I know now that nothing is more important than my family. I know there are people out there that care.. I know that I have to take the time to do things I enjoy. That I will always be there for Mallory and Avery no matter what happens or what people say. I learned that it would be very hard to find a girlfriend as wonderful as Amy. I also learned that there is an end. You have to live one day at a time.

Just because I have learned these things and beat cancer it does not mean it is easy to get back into the swing of things. Fighting cancer is mentally and physically exhausting. You don't always feel the same as before or have the same energy. My taste is gone. There will always be thoughts in the back of your mind, " will the cancer come back". I remember shortly before being diagnosed I pulled into my driveway after a day working. On the radio was a fundraiser for a cancer hospital. It had people on the radio telling about their kids that were fighting cancer. There were adults talking about their cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. They all said, I never thought it would happen to me. Did I take the time to help them out? No, I shut of my truck and continued living life. I never thought it would happen to me.

GAME WARDENS IN NEW ORLEANS

2005-09-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

Game Wardens from several different states are being sent to New Orleans to assist in Law Enforcement duties. Dr. Phil was escorted through the streets of New Orleans by Louisiana fish and game officers today. A lot of people think Game Wardens just check hunting and fishing licenses, but in reality they can enforce all state laws.

I received a call Saturday afternoon from my supervisor. Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks is sending around 10 Game Wardens to assist in New Orleans. I wanted to go but will not be able to because of my upcoming treatments. Just a little info I thought was interesting and its nice not to talk about cancer sometimes. Go CATS............(KSU)......

UPDATE SEPTEMBER 12TH 2005

2005-09-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

Not much to report. My chest is healing well from removal of port. Still no taste to report. Have appointment next week to get tattoo and markings for radiation to my abdomen. Everything else seems to be going alright..

"THE DEMON IS OUT" SEPTEMBER 8TH 2005

2005-09-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, my port is gone. Had to be at hospital at 0530 this morning. Surgery was at 0830 and took about 30 minutes. They put me to sleep so it went good. A little sore this evening but it feels so good to have it gone.

I'm doing a little better today. My taste is still gone, but my attitude is back where it should be. I have been told I should not put bad things on this site or talk about what could have happened. However, I think it is important for people to know just how bad Hodgkin's disease can be. Sure if you have to have cancer it is a better one to have, but no cancer is good. Nearly 1500 out of 7000 people who get it each year die. This includes recent information from a web forum that I visit daily. Rachel http://rachel-barnes.memory-of.com/about.aspx, age 22, passed away after fighting Hodgkins for 3 1/2 years. Her mother created the site above it is incredible. It reminds me just how lucky I am.

There are happy stories also. Alese Coco also in her early 20's was given a 10% chance of living one year after her third battle with Hodgkin's. She is alive and through the use of new drugs she is holding her own and killing cancer. Her fight is not over but everyday past one year will be a victory. I have met a lot of people fighting Hodgkin's through the computer. Cancer has changed there life, its made them better people...FIGHT 2 WIN. The majority people with this cancer win, but that does not mean we can forget the ones that don't.

TIRED SEPTEMBER 5TH 2005

2005-09-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

Kinda tired of all this. My taste is still gone. I squirted some of that lemon concentrate in my mouth the other day and NOTHING. I would just like a sign to know its trying to come back. Skin is very dry and sensitive on my neck and face from the radiation. One good thing is that I get my port out Wednesday. So long.......

DOCTORS UNITE DECISION MADE!!!!!!!!!! AUGUST 30TH 2005

2005-08-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I will get right to the point. I am not done with treatments this Thursday. I get a three week break then I am back to getting more radiation. Seventeen more treatments to my midsection. It is best explained as the area near your diaphram some where down inside there. The doctors had a meeting and discussed my options. After discussion they both decided I need the treatments. Im a little disappointed I was looking foward to feeling better. However, I agree that I need to do all I can to get rid of this cancer for good. Im lucky in so many ways so I won't complain. Hang in there an end is in sight.......

As far as my doctor saying do not let them do the additional radiation a few days ago, that has changed. There were some things on the scans that at first review where questionable. It has since been determined that I had a small, but significant cancer mass in my abdomen area in addition to area in my neck. It is located in a area that can succesfully be treated with radiation without causing harm to major organs so they are doing it. Its a secondary, be on the safe side, we dont want to fight this disease twice type of thing. Like I have heard so many times if you dont get this cancer the first time your chances of getting it licked the second time is much more difficult. I would still kick its ass the second time, but we wont have to worry about that.

NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY AUGUST 29TH 2005

2005-08-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

Had radiation treatment this morning only three more to go, I think????? First of all I will cover my appointment with radiation doctor today. I was given three new prescriptions for my throat. One increases saliva production to mouth. The other one acts as a lotion for my throat. The third is for pain. I have to use a straw to put this medicine down the back of my throat to numb my throat before I eat so I can swallow without pain. They said my throat will stay sore for about two weeks after treatment is over. So I have two weeks down, two to go. I thought sore throats were bad when they lasted 3 days. The news on losing my sense of taste is that it will come back in about 2 months after treatment. Great!!!! Two months of cardboard taste. That's something you don't think much about til its gone.

After that discussion things went downhill. She asked if I had thought anymore about the additional treatments to my back. I told her I talked to my cancer doctor and he said not to do them. She got this look on her face and I knew what was coming next. She said you need to have this done I reviewed your scans and I have no doubts, second thoughts, that this needs to be done. She is meeting with my doctor this afternoon. She said this is not fair to leave this decision up to you. I told her I felt like I was being put in a real hard spot and that as doctors they needed to get together and get on the same page. Will just see what happens, may have to seek a second opinion.

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS AUGUST 26TH 2005

2005-08-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty quiet in the kicking cancers ass department. Still going to radiation treatments daily. Have had sore throat for 7 days now. Only 4 more to go will be done next Thursday with all treatments. I get my port a cath removed on Wednesday, September 7th. I will be glad to be rid of that thing. Starting to plan my big party. Looking at the end of October. It will be my house warming, divorce, kicked cancers ass, got a new dog after old one got ran over, PARTY. Been a busy couple years. Time to celebrate.

GOOD NEWS AUGUST 21ST 2005

2005-08-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Finally was able to talk to my cancer doctor about radiation treatment. He said I only need the treatments to my neck. So I will be done with everything on Sept 1. He was actually surprised they wanted to do radiation on my back. He said absolutely do not let them do it. Its kinda scary that there is a difference in opinion for treatment only a parking lot apart. He explained that is why he had me do chemo to take care of the rest of my body so they would not have to do radiation everywhere. The only spot that needs radiation according to him was the primary location where the cancer was found.

Im starting to notice more side effects from the radiation. Throat started getting sore on Saturday. Feels like there a lump in my throat and mouth is dry. Also very sensitive to the sun.
Also having some late side effects from Chemo. My toe and finger nails are changing colors growing weird. I did some research and sure enough they said about a month after chemo your nails will go through some weird stages and may even fall off. My big toe on my right foot is trying to do that I have to go to doctor to get it looked at. It is infected and I will just leave it at that.

Well this is all starting to come to an end. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not sure what this hurdle in life was all about. Cancer is a scary word, but there is something about beating it. It really makes you a stronger person, but then again most hurdles in life do. I think I will take a break for a while and enjoy life.

RADIATION CONTINUES AUGUST 18TH 2005

2005-08-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just completed my 7th radiation treatment to neck. It is a blast. Drive for 30 minutes lay on table for 2 minutes drive back home. The treatment itself is not bad they need to find a new method that does away with that mask. You can't feel anything while getting treatments. The machine makes a little noise and your done. You can or at least I can smell and taste the radiation. Its hard to explain and I'm not even sure if radiation has a taste or smell but there is something there. Im starting to notice a few side effects as treatments go on. Mainly feeling fatigued. Also have dry mouth and some upper chest discomfort. A little burning on the back of my neck. You can really feel the sun. I can't wait til this stuff is over. Its been quite an adventure. I have not decided on whether to have treatments to my back. I will have to discuss this with my cancer doctor some more. The less radiation you get the better. You just have to weigh the benefits of the radiation compared to chances of relapse. To be honest Im not sure they know what is best. If they did you would'nt think they would make me decide whether or not to have 17 more treatments. Have a good weekend.... Mallory and Avery are staying with me this weekend.

THANK YOU!!!! AUGUST 14TH 2005

2005-08-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who attended the Benefit concert in Wellington Saturday night. Had a good turnout. Also thanks to those who could not make it and sent donations.

A very big thanks to Mike Gracy. Mike you did a great job and I appreciate you taking the time to put this concert on. I would like to thank all my family and friends.

The benefit concert raised $3200.00 and we are still counting.

Silent Auction Results

OU football tickets sold for $550.00
Dallas Cowboys $100.00

RADIATION DELIVERY

2005-08-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

This is the machine that gives me my radiation treatments. You just lay on the table with mask on and the machine rotates into position to direct radiation into the right spots.

MASK AUGUST 11TH 2005

2005-08-11T13:56:00.000-07:00

This is the mask they use to keep your head still during treatments. It was hard to explain so I thought I would share a picture. The mask is secured to the table once placed over face. Looks like a Jason mask.

BENEFIT CONCERT

2005-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

Had a few questions about where the Regent Theater is at in Wellington.

114 W. Lincoln

Its about 1/2 block west of the main street downtown. Not to hard to find.

RADIATION BEGINS MAY BE MORE TO COME

2005-08-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

AUGUST 8TH 2005

Well, went in for my first actual radiation treatment. Yes, I had to wear that damn mask. I had to have the radiation field marked with markers. Its like having a map drawn on you. It showed exactly where you are getting radiation. Im actually getting a pretty large area treated my entire neck and upper chest area. They decided not to treat under my arms. The treatment lasted a entire 45 seconds to one minute max. They shoot you from the front and once from the back. At least I didnt have to wear that mask long.

After the treatment the nurse said that radiation doctor wanted to see me. So I went and met with her. Dr. Zhu. She asked if my cancer doctor went over my scans with me and I told her he said everything came back clear. She then said that she studied the scans and was not so sure that the cancer was gone. She said she thinks the CT scans shows a 1cm tumor left in the neck area. However he PET scan shows no activity. She said thats why they do radiation to make sure the radiation kills off any cancer cells that Chemo may not have killed. She asked me if they let me see my first PET scans when I was diagnosed. I told her they did not. She said it was quite impressive. She said I had a very large mass of cancer in the neck area. She said even if I do still have a 1 cm lobe left that Chemo did a very good job of treating the cancer for the amount I had. So that news was not to bad.

The next news was not all that good. Not really scary bad but bad that I may have to get additional radiation treatments. If you remember back to the first of my blog to the staging section. The initial scans showed a small area in my lower back on the PET scan. At that time my cancer doctor was not sure what that was and the CT scan was thought to be clear. That is the spot that if it was cancer made me a stage III. Well the latest PET scan and CT scan show that spot is now gone. However the radiation doctor studied the original CT scan of that area and she thinks that it was Hodgkins in my lower back. She highly recommends that I get an additional 17 treatments to my lower back. This is after the 17 to my neck are done. My cancer doctor never showed any concern about this. So I was on the phone trying to talk to him but he is gone for a few days. I did talk to his nurse and she said he is aware of the 1cm spot in my neck but not concerned. It could be scar tissue. If it is cancer the radiation should get it. Reference to the spot in my lower back she didnt know anything and said she would have Dr. Johnson call me.

The kicker is that the decision for the 17 treatments to my back is going to be left to me. Yea, she said I have to decide. Im not the doctor. All she could say was she recommends it be done. She said you dont want this to come back the second time. Im going to wait to talk to Dr. Johnson. Nothing can ever be simple, yet could always be worse.

See ya Saturday night at the fundraiser.

SILENT AUCTION

2005-08-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

Some new tickets have been added to the silent auction at the benefit concert August 13th.
There will be tickets for the Dallas Cowboys vs. Houston August 27th 7pm includes parking pass.

RADIATION TO BEGIN AUGUST 4TH 2005

2005-08-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

Well four days into remission and all is well. I kicked cancers ass. Im a survivor.

Met with radiation doctor yesterday and they went over radiation and marked me for treatments. By marking I mean they lay you on a table like a CT scan take pictures of your insides and mark you with markers and tattoos. I had 6 temporary marks and only 1 permanent tattoo. The only time you get a tattoo and your Mom doesn't get mad. Actually it is very small. It took about 25 minutes to get marked. Before they start the put a warm mask over your face and it forms to your face. It has small openings like a small fish net. After it is put on they attach it to the table and you can't move your head. It sucked. I am claustrophobic and it tested me. I was in the mask for about 20-25 minutes. I about ripped it off at first but I made it. So I go back next Tuesday and start treatments. I get 17 total treatments and will be done on August 31st. They are treating all the lymph nodes around my neck and under my arms. I had many questions like why are you treating under my arms if I never had cancer there? That's the next place it would spread and they want to make sure if by chance there was a cell or two its gets zapped by radiation. Its seems all with radiations is precautionary. I would probably most likely be fine without it, but with it Im 99% okay. I think Im lucky if I was female I would get 2 more cycles of chemo instead of radiation. The risk of radiation for females is much greater than it is for males. I don't want anymore Chemo. So I will try rads. The side effects for me I'm told will be low. I am receiving a very low dose of radiation. I was told it will feel like a sunburn and I may get a lump feeling in the throat and a sore throat. They said the more serious side effects usually start about the time I will be finishing up my treatment. Treatment will be done 5 days a week and take 3-5 minutes. I will be having a big party in Sept sometime better see you all there. I am inviting all my neighbors so nobody can call and complain about the noise. Also hope to see you August 13th at the benefit concert. If you would like to donate and cant make it feel free to use the donate button on this site. There will also be a silent auction for 4 Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State football tickets that were donated by my dad. Have a good weekend.

I will keep posting until radiation is done. After radiation I will no longer post. That is the end of my fight against this disease. It is time to move on and put cancer behind me. Another curve ball that's been hit out of the park. Although I will not in medical terms cured until 5 years without a relapse Im not going to sit around and wait. As far as I am concerned Im cured. You can be assured I will have a closing post soon.

THANKS

UPDATE AUGUST 1ST 2005

2005-08-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

REMISSION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cancer is gone. Both scans came back as clean as they could be. I meet with radiology on Friday. Even though there is no more cancer I still have to go through radiation. The doctor said it is the best treatment. He said with radiation after chemo the chance of relapse is nearly 0%. He said we have to do what we can to assure it doesn't come back. Hodgkins is not as curable the second time around. He said that radiation will be a breeze compared to Chemo with few side effects. I will be receiving radiation to lymph nodes on both sides of neck and under my arms. Im kinda not sure what to think Im not sure everything has sunk in until now. I get to join the cancer free club that's all that matters. Thanks to everybody for your support. Hope to see you on August 13th......

SUNDAY JULY 31ST 2005

2005-07-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

The big day is Monday. Stay tuned I will let you know the results of the scans around mid morning MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MONDAY WITHOUT CHEMO JULY 25TH 2005

2005-07-25T14:21:00.000-07:00

Finally no Chemo. It was a relief not to have to go to the doctor today and get a treatment. I did have to go to have blood drawn and get a CT scan. I won't know the results til next Monday. Im not really too nervous. Nothing like the first CT scan where everything was unknown. I know what Im dealing with now. Either the cancer is gone or its not. If it is I continue on with radiation and will soon be in remission. If not we will try something else. We don't have to worry about that. My blood counts were way low. I think they were all the lowest thay have been. They say that is normal and it will take while for them to recover from the last treatment since I no longer get booster shots. I feel pretty good other than being tired. Spent last week and the weekend in Dallas at Amy's sisters house. It was good to get away. The new baby keeps them busy. Concert is coming up, AUGUST 13th, 7PM.

UPDATE JULY 17TH 2005

2005-07-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

Thought I would update everybody on what's going on since finishing Chemo. I spent the first 3-4 days tired. I mean tired to the point of not being able to keep my eyes open. Nausea wasn't to bad. Every treatment seemed to affect me different. Have been feeling better over the weekend. Received schedule for follow up scans and blood test. Have blood test in the morning and I will continue to have blood counts monitored every Monday. I have CT scan on 7/25 and PET scan on 7/27. The big day will be August 1st. That will be the day I get all the results on whether the four months of chemo worked. I will probably start radiation towards the middle of August. I know everything is going to be good. I feel it. Don't forget to come out on August 13th for the concert.

TIME TO CELEBRATE JULY 11TH 2005

2005-07-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

CHEMO IS DONE. I finished my chemo treatment # 8 today. I can't believe it. I met with Doctor. He said that I get a two week break no more shots and no more chemo. The week of the 25th I will get PET scans and CT scan done. I will also meet with radiation doctor. They are also scheduling the removal of my port. What a journey. Its important to celebrate one accomplishment at a time. I still have some unknown and radiation ahead, but this is a huge step closer to being in remission. Amy, my Mom and Granny stopped by today during treatment. The nurses gave me a balloon. Also got a bottle of wine and home grown tomatoes from my mom and granny. Amy gave a card to the nursing staff. They took great care of me. Everybody has been great. Thank you Amy. Thanks to my family. Thanks to my friends. THANK YOU ALL...............

UPDATE JULY 8TH 2005

2005-07-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I posted. Been feeling ok since my last treatment. I probably tolerated this last better than any of them. I'm sure getting close to the end helps too. Three more days until Chemo # 8. That is the last one. Radiation will begin soon. Don't really not what to expect. Been doing a lot of research. Im not sure that helps. Some say don't do it. Some say do it. I say, if they have a way to cure me and significantly reduce the chance of relapse Im doing it. I trust my doctor he is probably one of the best around. He has discussed side effects and said they are low. He said being a male involves a lot less risk than being female when it comes to radiation. I will have an increased chance of secondary cancers, and leukemia but the chances are very low and usually occur a long way down the road. The positive thing is it kills cancer and thats what we are worried about right now. I am going to put some information on the blog about radiation and about the treatments when I find out more. Have to go give myself a shot. FUN

COME ALL

2005-07-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

FUNDRAISER

WHEN: AUGUST 13th. 7PM

WHERE: REGENT THEATER
WELLINGTON, KANSAS

I was contacted by Michael Gracy from Kansas City today. Michael told me that he wanted to do a Benefit Concert for me in Wellington. Michael is known for his country christian music. (www.michaelgracy.com). I told him that would be wonderful and I appreciated him stepping up and thinking about me. Its a great feeling to have people want to help you out. I wont forget this I want to do the same for others in the future. The concert will raise money to help with my battle of cancer. Michael and Sandy Gracy are the parents of my good friend Justin Gracy who also lives in Kansas City. Wow, all the way from KC. Thanks again Mike..

Love Jason.

UPDATE JULY 1ST 2005

2005-07-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

Only ten more days til chemo is over. Everything went pretty good after last treatment on Monday. Probably one of my better weeks I had through all of this. The only thing I have noticed is that I am really tired. I can handle the tired as long as I don't feel like crap. I guess I will find out when I have my scans and when radiation starts at my next appointment. Have a good holiday weekend I will be working.

ONE TREATMENT LEFT JUNE 27TH

2005-06-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

Wow, its hard to believe only one more Chemo treatment left. Started the morning off at 0830 this morning at the Cancer Center. They had blood drawn and took x-rays of my chest. My blood counts were very good. White count was up to 14.2 which is high. It normally runs 4.7-10. This is the highest it has been since I started. The lowest it has been is 2.2. I only have to have two booster shots between now and the next treatment. The nurse said that is real good, most people require a lot more booster shots. My x-rays came back good. The doctor said that I was going to finish treatment as originally prescribed. That means I get to take my last chemo treatment with all the goodies in it. He asked what I did this last weekend and I told him I took my daughter camping and rode jet skis all weekends. He looked at me like I was nuts. He asked if I wore a lot of sunscreen, and I told him I did. Amy came by the hospital on her lunch break. Julie, Mallory , and Avery came by to visit at treatment. My dad, Todd and Tanner also stopped in.

Im feeling ok right now Im just so excited about being done with chemo on July 11th. Its been one hell of a trip. I cant believe I made it this far. It easy to sit an write about how you make it through it but actually living it is something else. Cancer patients are hero's, all of them. Im so proud of myself and have learned more since March 17th than I have learned my entire life.

I also had a fellow Hodgkins killer visit me today. His name is Jeff and he is about my age. I think we are the only two Hodgkin's patients in the Wichita Cancer center. He just finished his chemo about a month ago. He was stage 4 and endured 15 rounds of ABVD chemo. He was so positive. He also said he has learned a lot, and lives life a lot different now. He had to stop chemo one treatment prior to his prescribed 16 treatments. He lost 40% of his lung function and was told he may only recover to 80%. He told the doctor he will get it all back and he said he feels great. Jeff finds out In July if he has to have a bone marrow transplant or if he is finished with treatments. Lets all say a prayer is he done and can get on with a cancer free life.

Also had to take my work dog "Moose" to the vet today. He had an allergic reaction to something. He got a shot and took some benedryl. How ever you spell it. Ended up having a long conversation with my vet. Turns out he is a lymphoma cancer survivor also. He won his fight many years ago. Its good to talk to survivors mainly because they have survived and also because they know what your going through. Like I have said many times cancer sucks and it is one of mans biggest enemies. However, cancer also makes people very strong it makes person thankful for life. I hope that I can continue to live and think like I do now for the rest of my life. I am thankful for a second chance.

I said it in the beginning your positive attitude is everything. Your mind is a powerful thing. I had about 3-4 rough weeks where I wasn't as positive as I should have been and its was the period I was the sickest. Nothing is going to get me down now Im too close to remission.

Thought for the day, " In the end have no regrets and make choices you can live with". God doesn't answer all your prayers nor does he make decisions for you. He gives you choices. As you live life you encounter forks in the road. Its up to you to make the right decision. If you take the wrong road you will live with your decision until YOU fix it.

Thanks to everyone. You all have made the journey much more comfortable.

Still kicking Cancers ass and its about time for the knockout.

There is a good Hodgkins survivor story under cancer survivor in links section.

JUNE 23RD 2005

2005-06-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Nothing much new to report. Been feeling better, but still not 100%. Looking foward to the weekend and my next treatment on Monday. Ready to get it over with. After that just one left. Have a good weekend will update everyone on Monday.

When you come to the edge of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown. Faith is knowing one of two things will happen. There will be something solid to stand on or you will learn how to fly.
--Author Unknown--

LIVE YOUR DREAMS NOW.

THOUGHTS JUNE 21ST 2005

2005-06-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of things to look at.

http://www.TheSurvivorMovie.com

Some people are like Slinkies...Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."
"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age."I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this"time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."She concluded her speech by courageously singing "TheRose."She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's
never too late to be all you can possibly be. These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He ! will bring you through it. "Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

UPDATE JUNE 20TH 2005

2005-06-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Started feeling better late Friday Afternoon. At least the nausea had stopped by then. Worked all weekend. Been having shortness of breath and get winded pretty easy. It may be related to the Bleomycin. They call it Bleo toxicity. I will have X-rays taken of my chest first thing next Monday before my next treatment. If there is a problem they may remove that drug from my Chemo. From what I have read about 1 in 4 people on ABVD have lung damage. It is usually temporary and the lungs repair them self with time. I only have 3 weeks left. I will be done July 11th with Chemo. I am going to find out this Monday when I start Radiation. There is usually a 1-2 week break in between. I may be getting a little overconfident but plans have begun on the I kicked cancers ass, chemos done, radiations done, survived divorce, house warming PARTY. Starting to sound like a country song. Amy and I are taking Mallory and Amy's daughter Jessica camping this Saturday. I think it will be Mallory's first camping trip. She can't wait to ride the seadoo. Also Amy cleaned my house for me this past weekend. Those little things help a ton and it probably wasn't a little thing either.

UPDATE JUNE 16TH 2005

2005-06-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

Wish I had something new to report, however the week after chemo blues remain. Sleeping pills have been helping to get some rest. Nausea seems to get worse with each round. I think I have tried all the meds they have and none seem to work much better than the other. Time seems to be the only healer. It's Thursday, so by Saturday I will hopefully be feeling much better. Have continued working and only missed two days of work so far. Still have hair and still losing some of the weight that I gained at first. My doctor said that the main side affect of ABVD chemo these days is fatigue, or that is what is most reported. He said prior to 1992 it was nausea and vomiting. He said patients used to throw up when they would see him in public prior to the advances in nausea meds. Its 2005 and I could still throw up on him. I can start to see the light, about 2 months left and this will be memories. They say if all the scans are good after chemo and radiation goes as planned I will be in remission. Five years without a relapse I can say I'm cured. What a lucky guy I will be and I can never forget that!!!!!

Tips for Cancer Patients, Friends and Family

2005-06-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Through some of my research I have gathered information that I think is very important. This information is for people fighting cancer and their friends and family. I have chosen some tips that I feel would be most beneficial. The purpose of this site is not just to tell my story. This site is to help others who are fighting cancer and their families. I knew nothing about cancer when this started and my family knew very little. Though my journey is long and has been tough, the knowledge I have gained is worth every step I have taken good or bad. Hopefully these tips will help new cancer patients, and their families to make their journey a little easier.

HOW CAN FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND CO-WORKERS HELP

1) Keep in touch. Send cards, hats, or any message of hope.

2) Provide home cooked meals that they can freeze and eat later.

3) Gift certificates to area restaurants.

4) Cash is helpful for miscellaneous needs, medical bills, etc.

5) Gift boxes with movies, popcorn, and candy.

6) Fund raisers ( Dinners with raffles and Door prizes).

7) Seek out positive survivor stories and share them.

8) Don't assume a person with cancer wants to be left alone.

9) Stay connected. Take the time to make contact or visit cancer patient. Just knowing people are there helps.

TIPS FOR THE CANCER KILLER

1) Relax while taking treatments, bring friends and family along. Don't think that the drugs are toxic

2) The cost of the treatments are overwhelming even with insurance. Remember you are worth it.

3) You will not have all the bad symptoms they list.

4) Stay ahead of nausea. Take meds before you feel sick. Try new drugs if one doesn't work for you.

5) Chewing on ice during treatments can help prevent mouth sores.

6) If your tired "REST". Chemo is some tough stuff. Let other people help you. When you get down remember LIFE IS WORTH THE FIGHT.

7) WASH YOUR HANDS a lot. Your white blood count will get very low and you can get sick easy.

8) Pamper and reward yourself. Take small trips during chemo and plan a I kicked cancers ass party and vacation after its all over. You deserve it.

9) Avoid toxic people, negative people they are out there.

10) Never lose faith or hope. Believe in miracles...

TREATMENT # 6 JUNE 13TH 2005

2005-06-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

ABVD TREATMENT # 6

Only two more to go and I will be chemo free. Met with doctor this morning at 0830 hours. They drew blood and tested it. My counts were way up to a 14 for my White Blood Count. That's above normal and up from 6.2 last treatment. So the booster shots are working. Mallory and Avery thought the shots were pretty interesting until I had to stick myself. They ran into their bedroom before that happened. The doctor prescribed me some new nausea medicine I think it was Reglan. I told the nurse and she rolled her eyes and gave me a new box of Zofran. Zofran is the new expensive medicine so I'm thankful my nurse likes me. He also prescribed me sleeping pills. Ambien is the drug of choice. I hope they work I cant remember the last good night of sleep I have had. The doctor examined my neck. I asked him about the swelling still present there. He said the swelling is from the surgery and from his examination there are no longer any swollen lymph nodes in that area. They are gone. That's a good sign. Told him I have experienced some shortness of breath. He said they will do x-rays before next treatment to check lungs. It is pretty common for one of the chemo drugs to cause lung damage. So people have to have that one drug pulled out of treatments towards the end. We will see what happens. Had several visitors to the chemo room today. Tami Barker and John Walton visited. Amy was there for most all of the treatment.

The treatment went Okay. It was fairly quick. I didn't eat and had a sip of water during the treatment. Feeling tired, stomach hurts and a massive headache now that I have returned home. Other than that life is great.

JUNE 9TH 2005

2005-06-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

Not much to report today. I feel 100% better today. So I guess maybe I will get a few good days until treatment #6 on Monday. It amazing how you can feel terrible for 8 days then wake up the next day and feel better than ever. Everybody have a great weekend and I will report back Monday.

CHEMO SUCKS JUNE 8TH 2005

2005-06-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

I was sitting around and a little bored, on top of that feel like shit today. Its been eight days since my last treatment and just having a hard time getting back to normal. I feel good for about 4-5 hours then wham back to "chemo feel like crap land". Just thinking of treatments is enough to make me throw up. Its the smell of all those chemicals. I can smell things I never smelled before. Its like being a dog I would guess since their sense of smell is 44x better than ours. I keep saying only three more treatments. Im just ready to feel better and getting a little impatient with Mr. Cancer. I must remember chemo is my friend, without it I wouldnt have a chance. So with that said I will continue my journey down this path that will bring me health, life, and eventually a cold beer I can enjoy. Im having a " I kicked cancer's ass party" when this is over. Well I will stop complaining because in reality I dont have much to complain about..

UPDATE JUNE 6TH 2005

2005-06-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!!!!!

Just returned from the the doctor to get blood work done. Having a hard time getting back to normal from last treatment. Have been experiencing nausea off and on since treatment a little more than normal. Have not been sleeping very well last several nights. Its like your so tired you feel like you can't stay awake but you lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. Overall I'm just counting down the days til July 11th my last treatment. What I wouldn't give to just feel normal again. Still have not lost my hair and won't now. Starting to lose some of the weight I gained with first few treatments. I think I was down four pounds at last weigh in. Mallory and Avery will be over tonight and Tuesday and this weekend. They will be moving to Wellington soon and I don't really know what to say about that. I want to thank my Dad, Renae and my mom who have helped me recently with paying some of my medical bills. On top of dealing with the cancer that gets pretty overwhelming and their support has made it easier. Happy birthday again to Amy she is nursing a sunburn today a little to much laying out over the weekend. Also Amy's sister Julie and her husband Jim are proud parents of a new baby girl. I will update you on the name later don't want to get it wrong.

HOW TO BEAT CANCER

2005-06-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

The following was found on a website and pretty much sums up how to beat cancer. I think the part about staying focused is very important. Its easy to get caught up in things that don't matter or you have no control over. Believe me I have done it. I have let hate and people consume me in the past. More than ever I know that person is not worthy of my time. Forgiving is more about yourself than the person you forgive.

Ways to Beat Cancer

1. Be prepared for a marathon. It will be a long fight so pace yourself. Be prepared to go at it
alone if necessary, but get ready to go the distance.

2. Don't expect others to do as you do and do not hold others up to your standards. Not every-
one can go the distance with you. People will come and go as best they can. Accept what they
can give you when they can.

3. Conduct yourself in your everyday life in a manner that will give you no reason or excuses for
your behavior when you look back on this time. Make the present so you have no regrets.
Don't drink to much or take drugs that are not needed. Be a leader.

4. Have hero's. Be inspired by your hero's, and be inspiration to others around you.
You may be their hero.

5. FIGHT. Fight 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Fight when you wake up until you go to bed.
Dream about fighting. Want to win.

6. Willpower. Have it. Tell yourself you will get better every day and believe it. Aspire to be
great and expect nothing but victory. Refuse to lose or be defeated. You will stumble but a
champion always rises. Be a champion.

7. Stay Focused. Do not fight battles that do not need fighting and take you away from this fight.

8. Hate it. Hate cancer like nothing you have ever hated before. Life is good. Love life.

9. Have no mercy, no pity, no compassion til every cell is dead. Rejoice with every victory.

10. When in doubt fight it out. You won't win if you stop fighting. It's ok to be afraid but don't
stop fighting. It's ok to cry.

11. Most of all always walk proud. Maintain the strength on the inside. It's better to die like a
lion than live like a lamb.

(alt.support.cancer)

LYMPHOMA WRIST BANDS

2005-06-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

LIME COLORED WRIST BAND

I have had people request how to get the Lance Armstrong type wristbands for cancer awareness. I had ordered several but I am out now. I think it would be easier to give you the information on where to order them from and you can purchase one if interested. At one time I was going to order a bunch and give them to people that donated to this site and to Lymphoma Society but that never really took off. I will add a link to this site you can go to and order one. The lime green bands are for Lymphoma and they run about $2.00 each. The link is called Choose Hope.

TREATMENT FIVE

2005-05-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

ABVD MAY 31st 2005

Another treatment down and three more to go. Had lab work done this morning, met with doctor, and had treatment. White blood count was the best it has been for a while. I only have to take two booster shots before my next treatment. Doctor said that everything appears to being going okay.

The treatment took about three hours and forty five minutes. Had some trouble with port at the beginning. Nurse could not get blood to back flow out of port. I was getting ready to have to go in for x-rays when port finally started doing what it was suppose to do. I didn't eat during treatment. Probably a good thing the guy next to me was throwing up. I felt like I could have joined him. Im feeling a little like crap right now. I am very tired and the nausea is kicking in.

The doctor said that I should be very tired that this is a rough chemo to be on. So I guess in reality even though I have not felt the best I am tolerating it pretty well. Also I don't really have a choice. I believe more than ever 80-90% of this battle is mental. Its hard to stay positive and feel good when they are pumping poison into your body and you think to yourself this should really be making me sick. You have to tell yourself I will be okay there is a reason for this feeling sick and in less than three months I will join the cancer free club and will write the word remission in this blog. There has been about four people from the message board I am a member of that joined the cancer free club this week. It helps to see others get there.

To the people starting treatments who have just been diagnosed with Hodgkin's be strong. Just face the fact that it will get worse before it gets better. Everyone that goes through this gets tired of the treatments some where along the way. Your human not superman. It is ok to feel that way but don't let it last long. Pick yourself up and keep fighting. I went through that feeling the last couple weeks. Im on the down hill side of this battle now.

I still receive many messages and comments from friends, family, and other Hodgkin's killers. I appreciate it. I know sometimes it may be hard to know what to say. I know it was always hard for me to know what to say to others when I was in your position. It's really not what you say it is just knowing you are there. I am very lucky to have wonderful friends and family.

What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger. Killing cancer one day at a time. Thanks again for you prayers.

UPDATE MAY 27TH 2005

2005-05-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Made it back from K9 training. It was a pretty good week and Moose did well at training. It was our 5th week of training with about two weeks to go. Did a lot of tracking training which means I had to run a lot. I also did a little fishing on Milford Lake. Getting ready to give myself another shot. I have one today and tomorrow to help boost my white blood count. It seems that you just start to feel better then its time for another treatment. I have four more left, only two months to go. Radiation should only take four to five weeks after that. So hopefully if everything goes good and the chemo is doing its job I will be done in September. I'm not sure what I am going to do when this is all over. It will be another speed bump in life that will soon be in the past. I have to say this one has and will continue to be one that has taught me a lot. My next treatment is on Tuesday. I have made the decision I am not eating during treatments anymore. I was creating a list of foods I can't even think about without gagging. I don't want to add anymore to the list. Everybody have a good holiday weekend and be safe. I will be working the entire weekend. That's one of the bad things about being in Law Enforcement you miss all the holiday fun.

UPDATE MAY 22ND 2005

2005-05-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm back after a good weekend. Took a little time and went to Kansas City Saturday with Amy. We stayed at the crown center Westin and gambled at the Ameristar Casino. It was great to get away from everything even it was just for two days. I did win some $$$$ playing roulette. Hit the black lucky 8 two times in a row with a $5 bet. Won a quick $350. Mallory and Avery stayed over Sunday night. I am leaving for Wakefield, Kansas Monday for four days of K9 training. As far as my health I'm hanging in there. Feeling much better than last week but still not 100%. This port a cath is a real bugger. Its ok as long as you don't cough, sneeze or yawn. I have an appointment for lab work Monday and get issued two more shots to take later in the week. Starting to dread the treatments but at least it is getting closer to over. I really can't complain last week I met a lady that was getting her 66th treatment. I have only 8 total. What a trooper she is. Well I will be back in about 4-5 days. See ya. Fight 2 Win......

UPDATE MAY 20TH 2005

2005-05-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, I have not posted for a few days. I guess I needed a break from this whole cancer thing. Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. I just can't wait to get back to normal I miss those days a lot. You really dont miss those normal days til you don't have them. I have come to realize that most people will never understand that. I sit and watch it everyday. As far as how I am feeling I'm okay. Its hard to explain. Something like the mild flu that doesn't go away. My port a cath did wonders for speeding up treatment, but to be honest I dont like it very much. Its just hard to get used too. It's getting close to feeling better time that usually comes on the Friday or Saturday following treatment. I know I sound pretty negative today, but I think it is important to be honest so people better understand what this is all about. I just want to thank all of my family, friends, and people I didnt even know for the support they have given. I really want to thank Amy for being a great girlfriend and supporting me everyday. I get pretty cranky and she puts up with it. Im halfway there and cancer will be conquered. Have a great weekend.

UPDATE MAY 17TH 2005

2005-05-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

Last night was rough started feeling bad during treatment yesterday and continued on the downward slide through the evening. Nausea, headache, and vomiting consisted of the evening events. Did not sleep very well. Felt a lot better this morning. Went to doctor at 10am to learn how to give myself shots. I am now receiving G-CSF (Neupogen) shots. These shots put your bones in overdrive producing white blood cells. I get 4 between each treatment. Side effects include Flu-like symptoms, chills, fever, fatigue, muscle aches, bone pain, and decreased appetite. I can deal with these side effects, the alternative is to stop chemo and with Hodgkins your success rate drops off if you interrupt treatments. So I am lucky they have this relatively new drug. Its a life saver. The nurse also gave me some new nausea medicine today. It is called zofran. It is a high dollar medicine that is suppose to work well. Amy's mother Mary made me some chicken and noodles that I can freeze and eat later. Tried some today for lunch, very good, thanks Mary. Again I would like to let everybody know that your comments are very welcome and help me make it through each day. I have had questions about looking at all the post use Archives to get to them. Thanks again. As the doctor once told me," I am going to make you sick to make you better." Bring it on chemo, bring it on cancer, I will win. Tip of the day, remove all negative people from your life (TOXIC PEOPLE).

TREATMENT FOUR (HALFWAY THERE)

2005-05-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

ABVD TREATMENT FOUR MAY 16 2005

Wow, what a difference a port makes. Had treatment today and it only lasted three hours and forty five minutes. I'm very tired. Port is still a little sore. It was quite tender when they stuck the needle in. I guess they said they have numbing creme you apply 30 minutes before they stab you. However they told me that after the fact and later I learned that that stuff is called sissy creme, so I will just tough it out. After they poke you it is painless. Met with doctor this morning. I asked about scans to check on progress and he said they are not doing them til after chemo is done. He said thay wait til after 4 cycles on everyone. My blood counts are getting low and I have to start getting booster shots to get them back up. My WBC is at 2.6 should be 4.8-10.8. Doctor said this is expected and everyone who is on ABVD gets these. They are fairly new came along around 1992. Without these shots I would not be able to continue chemo. Side effects from the shots are bone aches. My bones will be working overtime to get new blood cells made. Justin Gracy went to treatment with me today. My brother Zach, step-mom Renae and girlfriend Amy stopped by also. Thanks, I really appreciate it. I am going to rest now. KICKING CANCER'S ASS ONE DAY AT A TIME. On a message board I am a member of I talk to other people fighting Hodgkin's. They often leave short sayings at the end of their post. Several are worth mentioning. Kate said, " Cancer thanks for all you have taught me, now you can go away."

TRIP TO THE DOCTOR

2005-05-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Recovering from surgery and getting used to my new friend in my chest. Still a little sore but other than that feeling normal. Had to go into Doctor yesterday. Had a ear bleed? Not sure why or what was going on. I was sitting at my desk and my left ear felt like it was filling up with water. It turned out to be blood. Ears checked out fine and doctors had no answers. Justin Gracy, a good friend of mine from Kansas City, called and is coming down Sunday evening and going to treatment with me on Monday. I have had several people ask about stopping by the cancer center during treatments. You can stop by anytime. I have my treatments on Mondays from about 0930-300. I always have my cell phone so call and I can give you directions. Its located at St. Francis Hospital. If you have other questions you can email me at jasonbarker4@hotmail.com. Spent last evening with Amy. She has been a wonderful girlfriend in times when I have probably not been the best boyfriend. Thanks Amy. Guess what? I am still Kicking Cancer's Ass and it doesn't stand a chance. Remember to use Archives to view all post from day one.

UPDATE MAY 13TH 2005

2005-05-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

Had the best night of sleep I have had in the past week. Drugs are wonderful. Im talking about legal ones. Just a little sore this morning but feeling great. Yesterday while in recovery the nurse came in and said so your a "smoker"? And then she started to give me the speech. I stopped her and told her I didn't smoke. She said you told the people in surgery you did. So I guess as I was waking up I must have been asking for a smoke. I thought that was kinda funny.

I recently added a couple new things to my blog. One of the items was a counter to keep track of the number of visits to my blog. This is the green number at the bottom of sidebar. Another addition is the donation button. The decision to add this was not an easy one. After several days of thinking I decided to go ahead and add it. The reason for the donation link was to help pay for uncovered costs of treatment. The treatment for Hodgkin's or cancer of any type is very expensive. Even with insurance there are a lot of bills to pay. I do want to emphasize that getting donations is not the purpose of this blog. I have had several people ask about donating and I wanted to make it an option. Half of all money received will go towards unpaid medical bills. The other half will be donated towards Hodgkin's Lymphoma research.

UPDATE MAY 12 2005

2005-05-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

Surgery has been delayed until 230pm. Surgeon was stuck in Chicago. Hope he slept well. One good thing I did'nt have to be at the hospital at 0530. Well finally had surgery at about 3pm. Surgeon fell asleep during surgery and cut my neck open. He blamed it on jet lag. You can blame the loritab for me making up that story. Everything went okay I now have a port a cath. It doesnt look very impressive kinda makes me sick to look at it. Im feeling a little sick, I think going 15 hours without food or water didnt help. Have two incisions one on upper right chest and one lower front of neck. My dad went with me to the surgery.

LUCKY VS. UNLUCKY MAY 11 2005 (THOUGHT OF THE DAY)

2005-05-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

I often sit and think what all this means to me. Well I have not been sleeping well the last few nights with a lot on my mind. In a way I feel guilty and in another way a little lucky. Dont get me wrong "CANCER SUCKS". I feel so bad for the people with cancer who don't get a second chance. I have recently read journals from some very strong people who lost their battle to Hodgkin's some of them very young. I have had people ask me, " do you ever ask why me?". Dont' you ever get angry for having cancer after everything you have been through? Honestly, I can answer that by saying, "why not me." Earlier I said something about luck. Am I lucky or unlucky? I have to say I am a very lucky person with cancer, if that is possible. My example of unlucky would be a police officer being shot and killed protecting people and never having a second chance or saying goodbye. They say God never gives you more than you can handle. After going through a divorce last year I told myself I can make it through anything. Well, I sure would of liked to have a little more time before the next test came, but oh well. I just want everyone to truly know how special life is and to not let those little things consume you. Material things are not important. However things like family, fishing, vacations, walks, sunsets, laughing, watching your children grow up into adults are very important. People take these things for granted everyday, I did. A recent George Straight song says it all, " I never saw a hearse with a luggage rack". Thats for damn sure. So live each day as it were your last and own the decisions you make in your life because you have to live with them. My thoughts and prayers to all the people out there fighting cancer. FIGHT 2 WIN......and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

UPDATE MAY 10TH, 2005

2005-05-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

Eight days since my last treatment. This has certainly been the roughest time since treatment started. Sleeping is getting to be a hard thing to do. Some of the nausea meds do cause insomnia. Just felt a little under the weather since the last treatment. Having a lot of numbness in hands and fingers. Also a lot of pain and soreness on the inside of both arms near elbow region. This was area that burned a lot during treatments. Have been applying Emu oil to area. They said it works I guess it helps. Im glad an Emu is able to help someone. Had lab work yesterday must still be doing ok have not heard anything. Still scheduled for surgery on Thursday to have port put in. Its going to be great not to get stuck anymore. Overall Im worn out and ready to get the next one over with that will be the halfway point. Its downhill from there. Had my daughters Mallory and Avery tonight. They are awesome. Talking about something worth fighting for, that's it. Thanks again for all the comments you don't know how much it helps to hear from everyone. (Blogger education: To see all post use Archive section) Also this site can now be found on search engines Ex. Yahoo type in( Above and Beyond Hodgkin's).

UPDATE MAY 8TH, 2005

2005-05-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers. I thought I would update everybody on what has been happening the last few days. I finally started feeling much better on Saturday and back to normal today. Last week was not much fun but I am still very fortunate there are many out there a lot worse off. I had a little nausea a lot of heartburn and had to go on an antibiotic for unknown infection, kidneys not getting enough flushing I guess. I have lab work on Monday and an appt with surgeon on Tuesday for Surgery on Thursday to have port put in. Spent weekend landscaping with the help of my dad and stepmom. Went to dinner with my brothers family, my mom, and Amy. Ate too much.. and I am still kicking cancer's ass.

UPDATE MAY 5th 2005

2005-05-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to say thanks for all the comments I have gotten. It is great to hear from everyone. Well it has been three days since chemo treatment number three. I felt fine Monday and Tuesday. However Wednesday night and Thursday have been a bit rough. Been extremely tired and had some nausea. On top of that cranky and some shortness of breath, but still cant complain. Have been scheduled for surgery next Thursday morning to have port a cath put in chest. Have to be in hospital at 530 am sounds kinda early to me. I will be glad to have that put in my arms have been sore. The Friday after treatment always seems to be the day I start feeling better and that is tomorrow so wish me well. Oh and I still have hair. Thanks again everyone.

TREATMENT THREE

2005-05-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

May 2nd, 2005 ABVD Treatment #3

Saw Doctor before treatment. Blood count still holding up good. Prescribed new medication to help with nausea I had the first 3 days after last treatment. He replaced prochlorperazine with dexamethasone it works but makes you eat like a horse and not sleep. I only have to take it for 3 days. Asked about radiation after chemo and it looks like 20-25 treatments.

Treatment was long again. Lasted 6-7 hours. Had problems while recieiving DTIC drug. It is causing burning and tracking of veins. Had to slow med intake and use extra saline. Meet with surgeon this week to explore having porta-cath put in chest. This is a port to hook a IV into that is surgically place under the skin. It makes treatments a lot easier and saves your veins in your arms. Most people get them in the beginning. I tried to make it without it because we were concerned the bullet proof vest I wear at work would rub on port site. We are going to see what we can come up with.

Also learned that if you are getting Adriamycin dripped you might want to request to have it pushed by nurse with syringe. It is a lot safer this way, that is some wicked stuff. I had different nurse this time and she won't do it any other way. By wicked I mean if this stuff gets on skin or tissue it like pouring battery acid on you.

On to better things, I had this treatment in different chemo room, with only 3 chairs and a TV you can actually see. It was much more comfortable. I also learned the inside on how to get into these rooms each time. It pays to be nice to the nurse.

My Mother went to this treatment and to my doctors appointment. Like I said if you can get somebody to hang out with you for a while it really helps. Thanks Mom.

As far as hair it is still around but showing a few signs of getting ready to depart. I also gained another 3 pounds for grand total of 6 since treatment started. Actually this is pretty common with this type of chemo. The doctor said not to worry about it and dont diet during treatment just keep eating. However he also said don't gain 30 pounds! So long til next time.

TREATMENT TWO

2005-05-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

April 18th, 2005 ABVD Treatment # 2

Met with my doctor prior to second treatment. Doctor reviewed lab work and area above my collarbone. Said everything was going well.

Second treatment was much like the first a long 6 and half hours. Thats a long time to sit and watch an IV drip. Like I mentioned on my last treatment it is great if you can get a friend or family member to go along with you. Had some burning with DTIC drug. This happens sometimes when they dont run enough saline with it. That resulted in a little soreness in arm for a few days. Felt nausea for three days after treatment which I did not experience with first treatment. Took prescribed meds but they didnt work will check on something different. They have several doesnt hurt to try them all to see what works for you. Have gained 3 pounds since starting treatment. Thought I might at least get a diet out of having cancer doesnt look that way. Hair still around I was hoping for Mr. Clean look but the old hair will do. My girlfriend Amy went along for this treatment. She has been great and very supportive. Not sure how I will pay her back when this is over but Im sure she will find a way. On that note everybody has been supportive from friends to family. Thanks everyone.

TREATMENT ONE

2005-05-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

April 1, 2005 ABVD Treatment # 1

My first trip to what I call the Chemo room. A room with about 15 recliners and a TV. Not what I expected but I guess I didnt know what to expect. One person after another coming and going. Basically all the drugs are given by IV. The first treatment took about 6 and half hours. I had pictured about a 45 minute procedure, I was wrong. The first two treatments require an 1 hour observation to check for reactions to one of the drugs. Everything went well with the first treatment met a lot of great people. It was odd a room full of people with a awful disease and they all had such positive and outgoing attitudes. The nurses were also great.

I was told that after the first treatment it is common to have a fever the first night. I was also informed of the other side effects. My first night came and went without anything unusual. It was not until the fifth day after treatment that I experienced anything out of the ordinary. I woke up at about 3am and had a sharp pain in my right arm. The pain would come and go about every 30 seconds from my elbow to my finger tips. I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart rate seemed to be very slow. I waited for it to stop but it continued and I finally called my doctor. I had already had a lab visit scheduled the next day so he said he wanted to she me when I came in for that. Long story short the pain continued for three days straight then diappeared not to return. I was told it was probably nerves being pinched from the mass in my neck decreasing in size. No other side effects encountered from first treatment. My dad was the lucky co-pilot on this trip.

CHEMOTHERAPY

2005-04-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

Chemotherapy - Abbreviation: CHEMO Definition: Treatment with drugs that have a specific
toxic efect upon the cancer, usually interfering with cell reproduction. Most
are given by IV but oral drugs may be added.

My Chemo of choice is called (ABVD) it is a combination of four different drugs.

Number of treatments I have: 4 cycles (8 individual treatments once every two weeks for total of 4 months) 1 Cycle= 2 treatments. Method IV. Lenght of treatment 5-6 hours each. Treatment is differnet for each person and stage. Usually ranging from 3 cycles up as many as 8 or more cycles in later stages of disease.

-Adriamycin (Doxorubicin, Rubex)

Common Side Effects:
* temporary blood count changes
* nasuea or vomiting
* hair loss
* pink/red urine for 24 to 48 hrs
* sore mouth and gums

Uncommon Side Effects:
* changes in heart muscle
* darkening of soles and palms
* changes in nails
* fertility changes
* redness of skin

- Bleomycin (Blenoxane)

Common Side Effects
* changes in blood count
* fever and chills
* skin changes
* sore mouth or gums
* hair loss
* nausea
* decreased appetite
* Fatigue

Uncommon Side Effects
* changes in lung function
* pain at tumor site
* allergic reaction

- Velban (Vinblastine)

Common Side effects
* nausea or vomiting
* blood count changes
* jaw pain
* hair loss
* reflex loss
* sore mouth gums
* tingling toes and fingers
* changes appetite

Uncommon Side Effects
* low sodium in blood
* increased urination

-Dacarbazine (DTIC, Dome)

Common Side Effects
* nausea or vomiting
* blood count changes
* loss of appetite
* metallic taste
* flu-like symptoms
* hair loss
* pain at injection site

Uncommon Side Effects
* diarrhea
* allergic reaction
* change in liver
* facial flushing
* sensitivity to light
* constipation
* drowsiness
* increased thirst

STAGING

2005-04-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

March 28th, 2005 I met with Dr. Johnson in Wichita at the Cancer Center of Kansas. This was my first chance to find out information on the cancer I had and what the treatments would be. The doctor asked me if I knew what I was dealing with? I told him I only knew what I had learned on the internet. He said I want you to know first of all is that this cancer is curable. However I must also say that nothing in onocology is 100%.

He then examined the area of my neck where the cancer was present. He asked for history of how long I had lump and how I was diagnosed. He stated that it was highly unlikely that I had Hodgkin's for the 12 years I had the lump. He said that the lump may have been something else and the cancer just started in the same area. He also asked if I had any symptoms prior to diagnosis. I advised I had fatigue and night sweats. Then came the fun part. He advised that they had to do a bone marrow biopsy to see if cancer had spread into the bone. For those of you who have not had a BMB be thankful. It is absolutely the most painful thing I have experienced.
Blood was also drawn for lab test. I was then scheduled for a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvic area and a PET scan. These test were to check if cancer had spread to these areas. I was also scheduled for breathing test and echocardiogram to make sure my lungs and heart were strong enough for chemotherapy. At this time the doctor stated that I was staged at a stage I until results of test came back.

I was told that was was going to have Chemotherapy for 3-4 months and they were going to follow up with radiation. The number of cycles depended on staging after test.

On April 1, 2005 oh how I wish this was a April fools joke but it was not I met with the doctor to get the results of my test. The PET scan showed that the area with cancer in my neck was large and had started spreading up the side of my neck. It also showed a small area below my diaphram in my lower back area. I was told I was a stage I to a stage II based on area in my neck and that clinically was a stage III because of area below my diaphram but he was saying stage II since area was so small. He advised the treatment was the same no matter what he staged me at. He did say that I was going to have to have 4 cycles of chemo instead of 3 and radiation would follow. My bones came back clean. I started my first Chemo treatment after the appointment.

DIAGNOSIS

2005-04-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

My diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma started with a lump on the right side of my neck just above the collarbone. This lump however was nothing new and goes back in history to my senior year at Kansas State University 1993. A grape sized lump appeared suddenly above my collarbone. The lump was looked at by university doctors and some blood test were completed. The results were a fatty tissue deposit or something not to worry. Through the years I lived with the lump that would change in size from grape size to about golf ball size. It never did stay big for long periods of time. From 1993 to 2005 I had it checked at least once annually and by about 5 different doctors throughout this period. I was always told not to worry if it was something serious you would be sick by now or it would keep getting bigger. Im not a doctor made sense to me. January 2005 I went to the doctor for an unrelated sinus infection and asked the doctor again about the lump. At this time the lump was getting larger for longer periods of time and was causing some discomfort. I had an occasional night sweat and some fatigue at this time. I told the doctor. He assured me all was well and said he would run lab work on my blood to make sure. After the lab work the doctor advised me that everything looked good and that my white count was off a little but not enough to cause concerns. So I went home thinking I was fine and I would just live with the lump some more. In the last year I noticed something different I just wasnt feeling right. Not something that was drastic but just not right.

The last week of February 2005 I woke on two different nights with drenching night sweats it was scary the bed was wet my hair was soaked. The next week my lump started getting bigger and stayed big. On the evening of March 2nd it looked like I had a large egg under the skin. I made an appointment to see my doctor on March 3rd. My doctor was gone and I saw one of his partners. I told him the story of the lump. He advised he wanted to have test done immediately to find out what was going on. He ordered Ct scans that afternoon. I was a little in shock because of all the concern there had never been any before. I thought Im ok I had this for 12 years it is nothing.

Friday March 4th I recieved a call from my doctor. He said the Ct scan of your chest came back ok. However the scan of your neck showed some spots of concern. He advised he was getting me in to see a ear, nose, and throat specialist immediately. On the afternoon of the 4th I met with the specialist. He examined the lump and stuck a scope up my nose and down my throat. He then looked at the ct scans which I had brought to him. He told me that the scans showed what appeared to be a mass of lymph nodes. He told me that he was going to do a needle biopsy of the mass. That hurts. He said that the results would be back on the following Tuesday. For anybody that has been through this you know four days is an eternity. Before I left I asked him what he thought? He said it could be a lot of things (Inflammation, infection, etc) but we cannot rule out a maglinant cancer. However that is very unlikely with your age group. Some relief.

Tuesday went back to specialist. He said biopsy came back showed lymphocyte cells. Basically it is a lymph node. I asked what that meant. He said it means there is something going on somewhere but we dont know what yet. I ask what is something. It could be anything but we cant rule out cancer. Great. He then scheduled me for an open biopsy.

On march 1oth I had surgery to remove a lymph node the size of an egg. I was told result would be in the following Tuesday. Another wait from hell. Tuesday came and no results. Finally on Thursday March 17th the results were in.

I remember sitting in the doctors office waiting for him to come in it seemed like an eternity.
He finally made it and briefly looked at my wound from surgery. I remember him saying everything looked good with the healing. Then he sat down and said we got the results of your biopsy. You have what is called Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I remember staring at him as thoughts ran through my head. I was thinking whats that, thats not good, I think thats cancer, am I going to die. My response, " Thats not what I wanted to hear". The doctors response, "No thats not what people like to hear but its not the worst news you could get". Then he stated that this is treatable but the road to get better will be long and a hard one. The doctor then scheduled me for an appointment with a cancer doctor. He said they would run numerous test to determine a stage of the cancer and treatment options. Wow what a St. Patricks Day.

EDUCATION

2005-04-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a rare cancer of the lymphatic system. It comprises less than 1% of all cancers. About half of the patients with Hodgkin's express proteins associated with the Epstein-Barr virus (Mono). In most the cause is not known. It occurs more in men and mainly young adults. 1 in 100,000 people will be diagnosed. Survival rate has increased from 50% to 75-85% due to combination chemotheraphy and radiation treatments.

Classic Hodgkin's Disease is divided into four subtypes

1. Nodular sclerosis Hodgkin's Disease (NSHD) 60-75% of cases
2. Mixed Cellularity Hodgkin's Disease (MCHD) 5-15% of cases
3. Lymphocyte depletion Hodgkin's Disease (LDHD) 5-10% of cases
4. Lymphocyte rich classic Hodgkin's Disease (cLRHD) 5%(I HAVE)

Nodular Lymphocyte predominant Hodgkin's (nLPHD) 5% of cases

Diffuse Lymphocyte Predominant Hodgkin's (dLPHD) Rare

Staging

Stage I : HD involves one lymph node group or structure.

Stage II : HD involves two or more lymph node groups on same side of diaphragm or it involves
one lymph node group and involvement in one organ.

Stage III: involves lymph nodes on both sides of diaphragm or has moved to an organ or spleen.

Stage IV: Has spread through bloodstream to one or more organs or areas outside lymphatic
system.

A or B Can follow stage. Ex. Stage IIA or Stage IIB). A= no symptoms B= Symptoms present

Symptoms include

1. Swelling of lymph nodes
2. Fever
3. Night sweats
4. weight loss
5. fatigue
6. Itching

Treatment

1. Chemotherapy
2. Radiation
3. Stem Cell Transplant
4. Biological therapies
5. Surgery

This is basic generic information for more detailed visit a lymphoma site.

INTRODUCTION

2005-04-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to share with you some of the reasons I decided to create this page. My first thought was that I wanted to document my experiences while conquering this cancer known as Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I emphasize conquer because if you don't conquer it the cancer will conquer you. Another reason was that when I was diagnosed with this disease I knew nothing about it. I searched every website I could to try to find as much information that I could. I would like to help educate newly diagnosed people and family members of people fighting the disease. I wanted family members to be able to follow me through my treatments and to have all the information they need. My final reason was that I wanted to express to people how vaulable life is and how quickly it can change. Cancer is not the end but a new beginning.

2005-04-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

Jason