Above and Beyond

JUNE 18 2006 BLOG ENDS HERE

2006-06-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well time has come to make a decision to end my blog. The purpose was never to create a life long diary but to inform my friends of family of my progress through one of the most challenging times in my life. The cancer is gone and the plan is for it to stay that way. I hope this blog remains closed. Thanks so much for your support and prayers. THE END

WHAT A RIDE APRIL 27 2006

2006-04-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

LIVE LIFE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. SOMETHING WE ALL SAY, SOMETHING WE ALL HEAR, SOMETHING WE NEVER DO.

TEST RESULTS IN KINDA APRIL 26 2006

2006-04-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Finally heard back from my nerve conduction test. Nothing acute, more less inconclusive, but something is going on. We need to get you back in to see the neurologist. Thats what I got. So they called back later and gave my an appt for July. From what I get from others who have had similar things going on and from researching they will probably test me for every muscle and nerve disease and other possibilties and then narrow it down one by one until all that is left is damage from radiation. Damage to spinal cord during radiation is a possible risk although usually rare. Symptoms are Lhermittes Syndrome 4-6 month after radiation and then other motor skill loss in hands, feet, legs, arms after 6 months. Sounds familar. Its fancy name is transient radiation myelopathy. Can be minor in some cases to severe in progressive types. We can just sit back hope it gets better before I go back and not worse, and see if Im right. It has actually improved a little today.

Still No News April 20 2006

2006-04-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

Been calling trying to get results from my nerve conduction test. Nobody seems to know whats going on. They said they would be back in a day or two its been 9 days. In the meantime my left ring finger and pinky remain numb feeling almost like it is asleep. At times I am unable to bend my pinky finger. My right hand has improved but still not normal. I assume they are ruling things out. Hopefully its just a temporary nerve problem.

MRI NEGATIVE APRIL 10 2006

2006-04-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

MRI came back negative everything looked good. So why is my hand numb? Who knows. I have to go in Wednesday for nerve conduction testing. Whatever that is. They now say it must be damage from chemo or radiation. The V medication in the chemo ABVD is known to cause nerve damage in some.

UPDATE APRIL 3RD 2006

2006-04-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Went to doctor today to get scan results. The scans came back clean. I was scheduled for another set of scans in four months. While there I mentioned the electrical shock feeling that I had been having in my lower back when I lower my chin. The Doctor said, "Thats Lhermittes Syndrome. A few people going through radiation get that. He said it was harmless and that you just live with it. I then told him that my pinky fingers on both hands have been feeling numb. Now Im scheduled for MRI Thursday. Basically I was told they are making sure I dont have MS. The neck thing by itself is ok but along with numbness elsewhere is a red flag. Not to concerned just being cautious is what I get out of it.

SCANS MARCH 27th, 2006

2006-03-27T14:17:00.000-08:00

Had my second four month scan today. I will get the results next Monday. The CT Scan went okay the same old barium drink and the iodine in the IV. It made me a little sickly feeling but to be honest I just get sick walking into the cancer center. Its just the thought of Chemo that turns my stomach. Im still not sure how I did it. I got stuck today for an IV and it hurt like hell. I use to do that every week. I guess you just do it, and there was no other choice anyway. Pray for good scans. I will let you know the results Monday..

UPDATE FEBRUARY 23RD, 2006

2006-02-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

All is well and I had a very relaxing cruise. It was good to get away. I think it is important to go do the things you want to do. Im finally back in the routine of everyday life. Takes a while to gather yourself after a vacation.

March 27th I have my next CT scan. I will have scan to neck abdomen and pelvic area. I feel like everything is going good. Have not had any side effects or symptoms of any problems. Actually I dont think much about it anymore. Pray for good scans. Thanks....

UPDATE JANUARY 23RD 2006

2006-01-23T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I was just looking at my blog. Its been some time since I sat down and took a look at the last year. Wow what a year it was. Here in about two weeks or 12 days Im going to give myself a well deserved vacation. Myself and Amy, Todd and Tami, my friend Tim and his wife Michelle are sailing away on a 7 day cruise to the Western Caribbean. Sun, Cold Beer, Blue water, and white sand....One of the many things I learned is that you have to take advantage of the time you have. Enjoy life.. You still have the chance to be what you always wanted to be and to do all you ever wanted to do....I think I will be a beach bum for a week.

JANUARY 9TH 2006 UPDATE

2006-01-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

Have not posted much lately and thought I would just give a little post treatment update for those still following along.

I guess that sometimes survivng cancer can be just as big as adjustment as being diagnosed. There are a lot of people that struggle even after the battle has been won. Im lucky that everything has gone pretty well.

I can say sometimes life was much easier when I was fighting cancer. I know thats sounds weird but its true. All you think about is beating cancer and all the people around you. You dont think about work, bills, all those little things in life. Its all about living. You know I talked a lot about how people who never experienced being diagnosed with a life threatning disease could not understand how much we all take life for granted. Im not sure that a person that has been diagnosed still fully understands it.

I guess what Im saying is certain events just cant make it happen. Its still up to you to make the choices. Easier said than done. I have struggled with a lot of things in the past few years. Divorce, not seeing my girls as much, ex-wife, ex-wives boyfriend, financial stability, cancer.

Sure I have no control over a lot of what has happened but I do have control of how I handle these things that have happened. I guess I expected I would come out of this fight and everything else would fall into place but it didnt. The struggles in life are still there. My divorce has been a cancer in my life I fight it everyday. It amazing how I can let the actions of two people affect my life more than a disease in my own body. Thats the point we should'nt.
We must forgive people for there wrongs, not for them, but for ourselves. Its time to leave that behind and celebrate whats ahead.

In the end you can have everything in the world thrown at you, and can spend the rest of your life unhappy blaming the people that throw this stuff, or you can beat it and go on.

I guess cancer has taught me something. It just took a while for it to sink in.

FELLOW HODGKINS FIGHTER LOSES BATTLE JANUARY 2ND 2006

2006-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Today I learned that Rickie-Lee a 20 Yoa fellow Hodgkins fighter lost her battle with Hodgkins Lymphoma. Although I never met her I did communicate through email several times on a Lymphoma website where people with Lymphoma share info ref to the disease.

Just 10 days ago she had posted info on site and seemed to be doing ok. The cancer had spread to her lungs.

Prayers to all her family. Below is her website...

http://angelrickielee.blogdns.com/

MERRY CHRISTMAS DECEMBER 21ST 2005

2005-12-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!! Thanks for all your support in the last year. It been a rough couple of years and I am looking forward to great New Year.....

One thing new for the upcoming year will be a new small business I am starting. I will be mowing residential lawns. Looking at about 10 yards a week. If you know of anybody in the Wichita area let me know.

THE GOOD CANCER DECEMBER 12TH 2005

2005-12-12T18:44:00.000-08:00

The following is something written by a fellow Hodgkins fighter. There is in fact no good cancer. And the fight to survive with hodgkins is no different than the fight against other cancers. The chemo is very strong and the pain is real. It often offends people with Hodgkins to be told you have the good cancer. Just some food for thought.

The Good Cancer You have the good cancer Or so I am told Bring on the chemo You have me, I’m sold But why all the nausea And damn my bones ache I think I am having The worst hangover to date I gained blurry vision But have lost all my taste Whatever I put in my mouthTastes exactly like paste I can’t smell the soap Or out comes what I had last Didn’t really want you to know What I had for breakfast Evacuations are unlikely Without the aid of a pill Don’t even bother trying Your body will thank you, it will And what’s that in my neck A blood clot you say Well bring on more shots And a fun hospital stay Numbness, pins and needles At the tips of my fingers I use a knife a lot So I hope it don’t linger While most people have A port in their chest Mine failed me twice Stubbornness at its best Now I have this thing That they call a PICC line It sticks out my arm And hurts all the time Infections come easy And it hardly seems fair That I’m forced to take showers With my arm in the air To prevent feeling too bad Steroids are common But how many more times Will I see 3 in the morning Sleep has become As distant a memoryAs the hair I once had It used to be so lovely The drugs are real toxic Long term side affects are real Other cancers can happen Health concerns are a big deal Don’t forget all the crying You’ll do late at night When sleep won’t come easy You want to give up the fight You have the good cancer Are you out of your mind Maybe you want some Because it’s the good kind Tianna

CANCER FREE DECEMBER 5TH 2005

2005-12-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

I just returned from my doctor and he said the scans are clean and everything looks great. He said I probably will not ever have to worry about it again. They will do 2 more 4 month checks then go to every 6 months for five years. THE END

TODAY WAS SCAN DAY NOVEMBER 28TH 2005

2005-11-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

Had CT scan this morning. They did scans on my neck, abdomen, and pelvis area. I forgot how much all that stuff sucked and wonder how the hell I made it through what I did. I only had to get stuck once today and before I was getting stuck several times a week. However I did make it through another CT scan without throwing up. I was able to hold it back while the nurse talked to me to get my mind off letting it go.

I will get the results of the scans next Monday. Will let you know what happens.

UPDATE NOVEMBER 8TH 2005

2005-11-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I have posted. To be honest its been nice to get away from the whole cancer thing for a while. Work has been busy. I worked about 80 hours last week. The poachers are out in full force. I think being busy has been good to get myself back into the swing of things.

I have felt really good the last several weeks. The past few days I have been experiencing some neck pain. Not sure what is causing the pain. Other than that all is good. My oldest daughter Mallory will be 7 on Thursday. Its hard to believe. Avery will soon be four.

Not sure if anybody is still following along but just wanted to give an update. My next scans will be Nov 28th.

NATURAL RESOURCE OFFICER BARKER & K9 MOOSE

2005-10-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

PARTY

2005-10-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

BARKERFEST
2005

COME HELP ME CELEBRATE

SURVIVING DIVORCE
MY NEW HOME
CONQUERING CANCER

WHEN: SATURDAY OCTOBER 22nd.
6 PM til WHENEVER

WHERE: 1334 N. AKSARBEN CT
(Near 135th W & 13th N)

RSVP 210-3644

**Bring a chair, meat of your choice, and a side dish for all.**

We will provide the cook, grill, plates, silverware, and condiments.

KEG PROVIDED
Additional Alcohol Welcome As Backup

3 MORE TO GO OCTOBER 14TH 2005

2005-10-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Only 3 more radiation treatments to go. I will be done on next Wednesday. After that I will see my cancer doctor on November 28th for another CT scan to make sure cancer is still gone.

Have tolerated treatments to my abdomen well. No major problems. Still working on getting lawn business up and going. Have two lawns for next spring already. Need 8 more.....

Have a good weekend.

GO CATS..............

STILL BAKING OCTOBER 4TH, 2005

2005-10-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

Radiation continues. I have 11 more treatments. It has been pretty uneventful so far. Slowly getting more taste back from the last round of radiation. I no longer have to shave the lower part of my face, no hair there anymore. The only side effect from the radiation to my abdomen is a little upset stomach here and there. I kinda have been slowly letting all this cancer stuff leave me. Its time to get on with things ahead and chalk up another victory in this somewhat interesting last two years I have encountered.

I have been busy setting up a new part time business that I plan on starting early next spring. I will soon be mowing lawns in my free time. I will be doing mainly residential lawns. I will be insured and have new equipment. So if anybody needs or knows anyone who needs mowing done starting spring of 2006 let me know. I plan on doing about 10 yards a week. I will put my new business logo and info on here as soon as it gets finished.

Also BARKERFEST is October 22nd at my house starting at 6pm. Cold beer, good food, and a great time. I have emailed and sent out invites if you didnt get one just email me at jasonbarker4@hotmail.com and I will get you the info. Im not sure who all looks at this thing so everybody is invited. Plus I have chemo brain so I probably forgot someone.

STARTED 2ND ROUND OF RADIATION SEPTEMBER 27TH 2005

2005-09-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Radiation has begun again. I recieved my first of 17 treatments today. The area I am having treated is about the size of an index card. It is centered vertically over my belly button. This treatment is much more relaxing than the last round. No Mask. However, I did have to drop the pants to get xrays taken and get final marking done yesterday. At this point I dont really care. I get to keep them on for the actual treatments. Felt a little sick to my stomach after the treatment but nothing too bad. Hopefully it will all go good and I will soon be done with this all.

Spent the weekend in Sioux City, Iowa. I was the best man in Brett Beach's wedding. It was a good get away for Amy and I. I have been friends with Brett since grade school. Congrats to Brett and his wife Jen....

I have planned my party. It is on Oct 22nd at my house.... I will put a invitiation on here soon. So come all...

BACK TO RADIATION SEPTEMBER 20TH 2005

2005-09-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was off to the radiation doctor early this morning after a two week break. We went over any problems I was still having from the first round of radiation to my neck. Everything appeared to be okay. She said she was pleased that my mouth was producing saliva normally and she said my taste will eventually make a full recovery. It better. She said that the treatment to my abdomen should be less eventful. May have some nausea about two weeks in. She said my skin should not be affected in this area like it was on my neck.

After meeting with the doctor they measured and marked me. I had to get three permanent tattoos this time. They are beautiful. One is about 3 inches above my belly button and the other two are at that same level on each side. NO MASK this time I get a pillow instead. That was a relief. I will go in next Monday for a simulation and then I will start radiation treatments Tuesday.

WHERE FROM HERE SEPTEMBER 15TH 2005

2005-09-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

What have I learned and what is this journey in my life all about. Its hard to explain. In fact, I am not sure I could ever explain it so that a person who has not been diagnosed with a life threating disease could understand it. Nothing against you well people, but I guess its just human nature. The closest way I could try to explain it is 9/11. Remember that day, how could you forget. In reality you don't remember it the way the families of the thousands killed that day do. Before long people went back to living their lives taking everything for granted again. If everybody could learn from terrorist attacks, hurricanes, and sickness what people directly effected by these learn, I do believe the world would be a better place. That will never happen. Why worry about what you don't have to, its easier to play the lottery of life. Its easier to say that will never happen to me. The result, we will continue to have people that don't enjoy the important things in life. People who feel it is alright to be on top at everyone else's expense. People who destroy families because they cant find happiness within themselves. People who will never learn that you can't buy happiness.

I'm in no way perfect, but cancer has changed me. Am I different than I was before? How could I not be. What has cancer changed? It took away the anger from my divorce. I don't have time to worry about something I can't control. I learned that friends that betray you were never your friends anyway. Learned that it is alright to cry and it is alright to be afraid. That's it is okay to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have to make a lot of money to be happy. I now know who my true FRIENDS are. I learned that chewing tobacco though satisfying, was not a good choice in my life. I was glad to learn that chewing did not cause my cancer, that would have been hard to live with. I know now that nothing is more important than my family. I know there are people out there that care.. I know that I have to take the time to do things I enjoy. That I will always be there for Mallory and Avery no matter what happens or what people say. I learned that it would be very hard to find a girlfriend as wonderful as Amy. I also learned that there is an end. You have to live one day at a time.

Just because I have learned these things and beat cancer it does not mean it is easy to get back into the swing of things. Fighting cancer is mentally and physically exhausting. You don't always feel the same as before or have the same energy. My taste is gone. There will always be thoughts in the back of your mind, " will the cancer come back". I remember shortly before being diagnosed I pulled into my driveway after a day working. On the radio was a fundraiser for a cancer hospital. It had people on the radio telling about their kids that were fighting cancer. There were adults talking about their cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. They all said, I never thought it would happen to me. Did I take the time to help them out? No, I shut of my truck and continued living life. I never thought it would happen to me.

GAME WARDENS IN NEW ORLEANS

2005-09-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

Game Wardens from several different states are being sent to New Orleans to assist in Law Enforcement duties. Dr. Phil was escorted through the streets of New Orleans by Louisiana fish and game officers today. A lot of people think Game Wardens just check hunting and fishing licenses, but in reality they can enforce all state laws.

I received a call Saturday afternoon from my supervisor. Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks is sending around 10 Game Wardens to assist in New Orleans. I wanted to go but will not be able to because of my upcoming treatments. Just a little info I thought was interesting and its nice not to talk about cancer sometimes. Go CATS............(KSU)......

UPDATE SEPTEMBER 12TH 2005

2005-09-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

Not much to report. My chest is healing well from removal of port. Still no taste to report. Have appointment next week to get tattoo and markings for radiation to my abdomen. Everything else seems to be going alright..